But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
