I want to stick my p in your. b.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize