i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We are two peas in an std pod
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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