I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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