I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
