just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
