oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
