oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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