the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
