You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
