Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
