well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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