he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
