I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
