guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
