my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
