Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
