Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
