omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
