Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize