nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
