i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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