she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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