So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
