If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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