escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
