My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
