I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Green mimosas i think yes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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