Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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