So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
