i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
