hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
