you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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