no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
