Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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