omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
