Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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