My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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