and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
