Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
