I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
