I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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