There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
