my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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