idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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