Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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