I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Panties = found
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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