If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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