Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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