apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The power of my boobs compel you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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