i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
