His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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