so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
