Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
