I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
