Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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