sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We're too hungover to prance.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
