he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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