Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
