he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
