I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
