I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
