Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im holly from the hills drunk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
