this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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