Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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