I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
