I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
