Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
