Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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