Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
