We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
