We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
