physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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