My sheets look like a crime scene.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
