small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
