My room smells like vodka and shame
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i have herpe
just one?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
