he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
