so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
