it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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