Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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