I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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