I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
