We're like a lot better than the average bears
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
