don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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