Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
