last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
