Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
