Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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