yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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