it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
