and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my shit smells like andre
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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