Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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