There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
