The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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