i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
