I faked an abortion last night.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
