don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
