And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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