Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
