At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
