on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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