he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think my vagina is haunted
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
